Thursday, June 21, 2012

About 1/2 way there or so

This week is 18wks, just about half way there (at least for the twins). I can't decide if time is going by really fast or really slow. It seems like both at the same time. Is that possible? Things are great but we both have a sense that we are in the calm before the storm. It seems we have so much to do before we need to go to India in October but I've convinced myself we need to wait for the third trimester. I work at a university so I have vacation most of August and then I need to get to my to do list. (1) We need to decide if we are staying in our one bedroom until the end of the lease in March and if so where will we go in March? And should we go further from the city and get a bigger place? Mr. M feels he didn't move to America to live out of Manhattan (?) Unlike Sarah Palin, he thinks Manhattan is the real America! I have to remember to take him on a cross-country road trip at some point. We might just move into one of those storage lockers you can rent. The thing that makes me want to stay is that we have washer/dryer in unit which is rare of a NYC rental (2) Childcare: Daycare is too pricey for three so that is out. We will get a full-time Nanny (and maybe baby nurse for first month to get on a schedule). I prefer a live-in which means we need to move out of city. Mr. M. prefers a live-in who sleeps with the babies in the living room! I don't think that is very realistic but sometimes a little experience turns out to be the best teacher. I guess those are the big ones. (3) We also need to find a pediatrician, meet with a lawyer about second-parent adoption, and get lots of stuff (crib and stroller to start with; lots of bottles and diapers, onesies, lots and lots of receiving blankets and burping cloths, swings/boppys/vibrating stuff, lotion, and this is just off the top of my head). Finally (4) we have to plan to whole trip to India, get paperwork ready, figure out how two males will get three newborns home. It is a long and stressful list... so I say... it can wait til August...

11 comments:

  1. Tight quarters can really help in the beginning. We stayed in a studio apartment before coming home and having a kitchen, bath, laundry, sitting all within talking distance was sooo helpful. Now I feel like I have to pack the friggin diaper bag to go upstairs for a shower ;)
    Conrgats on halfwayish!
    K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tight quarter might be good. But with three babies, two gays and a baby nurse, might be too tight. I can't wait for your guys next few updates, i'm keeping a close eye out for what to expect

      Delete
  2. OMG, your list made me feel the need to go over MY list, LOL! That is a ton of stuff to do, I say tackle a bit at a time until August and then hit the list really hard IN August! Wowza!! But you are almost 18wks just like us so we are on the same time frame, yay!! Whatever you don't get done will get done eventually, that's how we look at it! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good idea, no lists til august then we can both go insane!!!

      Delete
  3. I sympathise, we are at 21wks and have done nothing except decided on the major items we will eventually buy at the very last moment i.e. cots, car seats, stroller.
    We live in small quarters too but have decided this will be fine till (2) babies are toddlers however our place is way too small for another adult full time, I guess it depends on your personal space needs (to me it is very different having babies in your space full time than another adult).
    In regards to flying you may already know that some airlines needs one adult per child, not sure if this is the case with all though- may need to take someone extra with you?
    Best wishes for the last half : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you bring three babies if you buy a ticket for one of them and put them in carseat?

      Delete
  4. Robert, it's good to plan ahead. Concerning second parent adoption in NY State, we were able to get a judge in India issue a decree severing all rights of the surrogate and her husband to our babies. Our attorney said it was the first time a court in India issued such a decree for a single parent. Previously, there was a case seen by the Supreme Court in India but it involved a German married couple. Anyway, if you go this route there is now a precedent case your attorney can use as a reference.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do we need this judges decree in India for second parent adoption or is it just insurance?

      Delete
  5. You need it for second parent adoption in NY State. Surrogacy for paid compensation is not legal in NY State so your surrogacy contract cannot be used as evidence that the surrogate has severed her rights to your child/children. If you do not have a court decree from an Indian judge, your attorney will have to find some other way around it. A judge could require a hearing and invite the surrogate to attend. It will be a lot more paperwork and more expenses on your part. Our attorney said that it was very difficult to find a judge in NYC that would even consider hearing the 2nd Parent Adoption case without such a decree. Surrogacy in a foreign country of a US citizen is a new issue to NY courts.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I recommend that you speak with an adoption attorney in the States before the babies are born. If you intend to seek a decree from an Indian judge, it makes more sense to start the process as soon as the babies are born and the surrogate is still under contract to your clinic. The surrogate and her husband will be required to appear before the judge in India. In India, we were represented by the same attorney that our clininc uses.

    ReplyDelete
  7. do you know of any lawyers that have already been thru process successfully in NY state. If so you can email me directly robqrdd@aol.com. Thanks so much for the advice we will definitely pursue this--Robert

    ReplyDelete